Remembering Rusty

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In memory of Ruslan Salei

In memory of Ruslan Salei, courtesy of AnaheimDucks.com

I realize this is veering entirely off-topic, but the matter is close to my heart and has affected me profoundly. Never in my life has one summer been riddled with such far and varied tragedy, though it is not necessarily personal for me. Yet, I feel the losses acutely because I am a fan.

The hockey community has been rocked far and wide by a tragic plane crash in Russia today. The plane was transporting a Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) team named Lokomotiv to their opening season game, but they didn’t quite make it. The plane went down, and with it, the lives of over forty people — hockey players and airline crew. There, among the dead and rubble, lay several former NHL players including ex-Duck Ruslan Salei.

Without even reading his stats and history, I knew right away: Drafted in ’96 — the year I became a hockey fan — by the then-called Mighty Ducks of Anaheim — the team I fell in love with. I had his rookie card. I called him “Rusty” as if I, as a fan, was an extended member of the team. I met him in 2003, immediately following the Western Conference Championship rally that I attended with an old friend from school. I was 19 years old and I remember watching Rusty emerge from the side door of the then-Arrowhead Pond. He wore cut off shorts, a button down stereotypical SoCal shirt, and he had shorn his playoff beard. Funny enough, I was most shocked to see him striding out in flip flops! So often had I seen hockey players go in wearing suits and ties and expensive Italian leather shoes, but that day — a celebratory day for the team and fans, despite having lost in game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals — they were dressed down for the end of the season. They came out carrying loads of hockey sticks, signed by one another to remember the year, the team, the season. And he had been jovial, smiling, easy-going and well-mannered. He was at ease with the fans, signing items (my fowl towel), posing for pictures (I can’t locate mine at the moment), and joking around. His accent had diminished from the time he’d been a rookie on the squad, and I remember wondering where on earth was Belarus?! But he’d been a fantastic defenseman and a key player for the Mighty Ducks for a number of years. He was well-liked, well-respected, and now, I hope he will be well-honored.

My condolences to the Salei family, and to the rest of the hockey world that is still reeling from this tragedy. For team reaction, please visit http://ducks.nhl.com/club/page.htm?id=44118

Growing Pains (Part 2)

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Welcome to week 2 of my growing pains. I’m trying to see how much I’ve changed in the last three years based on “100 facts” I posted about myself on my old blog, back in the day. For a quick recap of how/why I’m doing this, please read my first growing pains post.

Now, I give you: the next 25 facts!

  1. I adore all things Celtic. Still true! In fact, I’ve spent the last few days mooning over Irish actor Robert Sheehan of Misfits fame. If you haven’t seen that show, I urge you to watch it! Watch it now! (Um, wait, after you finish reading this.) But I do still like other Celtic things, other than the boys. :) But they’re a big part of it.
  2. Accents are a turn on. Yes. Obviously this is still true. :)
  3. I used to worship Xena. I figured out that what I really loved about her was the fact that she is a strong, independent woman. This is a common theme in the women I love on tv, including Alias’ Sydney Bristow, In Plain Sight‘s Mary Shannon, Burn Notice‘s Fiona Glenanne, and The Closer‘s Brenda Leigh Johnson.
  4. I have never dated a man of Asian descent (despite being Asian myself). This is no longer true. I have indeed dated a man of Asian descent.
  5. I have dated men of basically every other descent. Still true. I think I might’ve covered the globe by now.
  6. I went to private school. Yup, sure did!
  7. I was a band nerd. This fact came up in conversation today because I took exception to my friend talking smack on band nerds. Funny enough, it has also influenced me to want to write a story about nerd love sometime.
  8. I was also a “jock”? Yeah, I still think this is a stretch. I was on the swim team… does that really count as a “jock”? How about I say I love sports — mostly watching it.
  9. I have never sustained any serious injuries. Still true. Knock on wood that it stays true.
  10. The worst trouble I ever got into at school was when I forged my mom’s signature on a school document.  Still the worst trouble I ever got into at school.
  11. I have not yet lost a close family member. Still true, and I’m still grateful for it.
  12. The first time I fell in love, I was fifteen. He went on to be the greatest love and the greatest heartache of my life for years. Oh, man. And this guy is one of the guys who got in touch with me last week! I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. But to address this as a still-standing fact? He is definitely the guy I felt the most intense love for, but I don’t know that he turned out to be the greatest heartache too. I mean, I’ve had some time and distance now, so maybe that’s given me more perspective. Plus, time heals (most) wounds, no?
  13. One of the first celebrities I ever met was Josh Henderson (of Popstars 2). To add to that, the first celebrity I ever met was actually Jessica Alba.
  14. I used to host a Lord of the Rings watch party yearly. I actually still do this. lol. NERD ALERT!
  15. I used to be a Junior Lifeguard, but it’s been a while now so you probably shouldn’t drown around me. I may not be of much use.
  16. I used to be terrified of dogs. Aha! The first major change of these 25 facts! I am no longer afraid of dogs. In fact, I own one. The cutest little 10-pound puppy ever. And yes, I totally spoil her.
  17. I loved N’Sync in high school. Of course I did. I still rock out to them every now and again. I keep waiting for a reunion tour, a la NKOTB/BSB!
  18. Ryan Gosling is the sexiest actor alive, IMO. Well… I dig Ryan, for sure, but I have several other Hollywood interests these days, including Matt Bomer, Jeffrey Donovan, Aldis Hodge, Christian Kane, Iwan Rheon, and… just so many others.
  19. I heart my flipflops. Still true, I’m ashamed to say.
  20. I don’t drink regular Coke, just Diet. I’m not that hardcore about it these days, but I do still prefer Diet Coke over regular.
  21. Feet creep me out. They still do. LOL.
  22. I am not much of a drinker. Still true…
  23. I’m a sucker for impulse buys. I think I’ve gotten better at controlling this. :) Yay for growth!
  24. I dig live comedy. You know, it’s been a long time since I last went to a comedy show. I do miss it. These days, I seem to be attending a lot more live theater.
  25. I enjoy attending plays, musicals, and art shows. Oh, well what do you know?! Haha… I think of the three, I attend plays most consistently. :)

There you have it! 25 more facts on me. Tune in next Wednesday for the third installment of 25 facts. This exercise is actually kind of a bit disappointing. I thought I would’ve grown a lot more than I seem to have.

Fodder for Fiction

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I know you’ve heard it before. That saying. You know the one I mean.

WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW.

That’s part of the trouble. What exactly do I know? I’m all of twenty-seven years old, and while I sometimes feel as if I’ve lived plenty, there’s a greater part of me that thinks God, I’ve got such a long way to go. I have to say, when I was nineteen or twenty, I used to look at people who were around twenty-eight-ish and my estimation of things was that they had it pretty together. They had careers, apartments, and a whirlwind social calendar that yielded interesting dating experiences and the like. For some reason, twenty-eight through thirty looked and acted and seemed so adult. So much more grown than I feel now that I’m there, starting twenty-eight in the face and taking a general survey of my life and coming to the conclusion that wow, these years aren’t anything like I thought they’d be.

Where is this dream career and fashionable closet that mark me as a “young professional”? Where is the energy to go out for drinks on a typical Friday night at my favorite “local bar” where the bartender knows my name, my drink, and my problems? Where is that unique, quirky group of friends that have their own hilarious set of issues? Or those strange, weekly (craptastic) dates with new people I’ve randomly met or been set up on by mutual friends?

Yeahhhh… clearly the fictional world (or perceived world) and the real world don’t intersect too much for me. Instead, the fodder for my fiction comes straight out of the pages of my life — which can, at times, feel like it belongs on some kind of sitcom!

I mean, let’s face it: I’ve had three ex-boyfriends go off and marry the very next girl they dated after me. That’s not only funny, it’s true. Writing about that could bring about some rather funny situations a la Good Luck Chuck minus the requisite one-nighters.  The recent phenomenon in my life is a string of guys I used to go out with coming out of the woodwork one after another. And because everything in my life seems to go in a series of threes, it’s strange to note that these guys are coming around with incrementally longer periods of separation! The span of time started with a one-month separation, then one-year, and the most recent guy was out of touch for the last five years.

I’m gonna say it:

THE TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION.

Seriously. This is exactly the kind of thing that I could write about. If only I could gain enough distance and perspective that would allow for me to tackle these issues well. I remember going to a writing workshop ran by three illustrious women’s fiction authors and one of the women got me thinking about how writing isn’t — and shouldn’t be — therapy, but how it does have a funny way of resonating and echoing the issues we’re wrestling with. So, if I ever get around to writing that book about the bizarro things that happen to me under “love in real life”, I’ll have to keep in mind that my experiences aren’t fictional. They’re simply fodder for fiction. :)

Do you use any of your issues or experiences in your writing?

Growing Pains (Part 1)

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All this talk of growth has been making me think a lot about my life — past, present, future. People who know me probably snort at this. I’m told I over-think, over-analyze, and am sometimes over-serious. I don’t know if these things are true of me, but I concede that they might be. From what I gather, this part of my personality has been with me my entire life. I have yet to determine whether or not this qualifies as a “good” or “bad” thing out of some irrational need to classify things as one thing or another.

So, because there’s been some talk of bringing the old hockey band of girls back together (on the presently-but-perhaps-not-for-much-longer defunct HLOG), I somehow stumbled across 100 Facts of Finny. And that got me thinking about what’s changed between now and then (“then” being 2008). This topic has actually been weighing on me pretty heavily due to the fact that this year is my ten year reunion from high school and because I had to re-write my statement of purpose for graduate school. In both instances, I had to consider what’s changed. Where did I think I’d be in life — and was this it? If not, how do I get there and do I still want those things?

SIGH. Yes, I know it’s a lot of thinking. But it’s also proof of the fact that life is a journey and we do not usually remain static our entire lives. The same can be said of fictional characters. The whole idea behind a character arc is that a character changes and learns something. They grow.

In some ways, I think it might be helpful for me to see how I’ve grown so that I might be able to apply the same kind of growth to my characters… andddd I just kind of want to see what’s so different about me now anyway. I give you: 100 Fact of Finny (Three Years Later). Just like then, I’ll break this up over four posts, and I’ll do it each Wednesday for the next month by comparing my old answer to my current answer. These are directly taken from my old blog, but trimmed some. By the end of summer, you just might know everything you could possibly want to know about me! :) Here we go!

  1. I was bred, born, and brought up sunny Southern California. Um, yes. That has not changed. Hah!
  2. I am sometimes “too nice”. This is still true. =/ I don’t actually know how I feel about that, considering that earlier this year a guy I briefly dated essentially ended the dating part of our relationship because I was “too nice” and we were “too different”… (pause) yeah, I don’t know either. “Too nice” nearly 28 years in the making? Not sure it’s really going to change much. However, I can say that may not apply in times of high stress… (as in, don’t ask my co-workers. They might not agree with this fact.)
  3. I like Facebook more than Myspace. Who doesn’t these days? Though I am not yet sure what Google+ is all about…
  4. I abbv. whenever poss. This is still pretty true of me. Particularly in emails and texts. Again, pretty normal.
  5. The style phases of my life include: skate/surf, Abercrombie preppie, American Eagle Casual, Forever 21, and the more common Question Mark. (…) I’ll buy books before I ever buy clothes. I’m laughing because this, too, is still true. I sometimes meander into the more professional clothing though, by virtue of work.
  6. I love books. I read all the time. I do still love books, but I don’t read as often as I used to. :( Other responsibilities take a toll on my time, but if I could, I’d spend as much time as possible buried in a book.
  7. I’m addicted to buying books. I will say that I’ve changed over to buying e-books, though. That’s some kind of growth, right?
  8. I’m Asian-mixed. Yes. Still am, as far as I know. :)
  9. In some ways, I’m as traditional as my upbringing. I think I’m less traditional now than I was in 2008, but to what degree I’m not sure.
  10. When the going gets tough, shut the hell up. (…) I do not enjoy confrontation and avoid rocking the boat. This too is often true of me. I will say that I think I’m better at facing confrontation, I hardly ever initiate it. Wow, so far, I don’t feel like I’ve changed as much as I thought I had!
  11. I can be very stubborn and righteously P.O.’d when I feel I’m wronged. During these times, I do not reason; I emote. This is also still true. Either I didn’t change, or I just was very well acquainted with myself even back then!
  12. I heart technology. Still true. I switched over to a Mac, still enjoy running websites and spreadsheets and new gadgets. I have however grown to like some jewelry, which was evidently *not* what I was interested in back then.
  13. As a child, I wanted to be Indiana Jones. OMG, I totally just wrote this as part of the opening line of my new graduate statement of purpose! I literally wrote this as my first sentence: If you asked the kid version of me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer would range from being an oceanographer, a physical therapist for a professional hockey team, or – my favorite – Indiana Jones.
  14. I am endlessly fascinated with spies, conspiracy theories, government, the law, the justice system, and all TV shows dealing with crime & punishment. Yup. Still true. Just ask Alison! My current TV shows of choice: Burn Notice, White Collar, The Closer, In Plain Sight, Leverage, etc.
  15. I couldn’t decide on what I wanted out of life, so I decided I’d be a writer. The reason behind it: I love reading, I love entertainment, and if I couldn’t be everything I wanted to be in real life, I could morph into anything I wanted to be in fiction. Yeah, still true, but I think I’d modify the “I didn’t know what I wanted to be in life” and just flat out say, “I want to be a professional writer.”
  16. Up until recently, I hated country music. I do enjoy country music more, though I continue to have an extremely wide variety of musical interests.
  17. *omitted* This one pertained to my religion, and… I just don’t know how I feel about all that these days. I am who I am, and my religion is between me and God.
  18. I lived in Mexico for two months when I was 20. Still true.
  19. I have a bad habit of cursing. Hey, some habits are hard to break. This is one of them.
  20. I love school. Hah! We’ll see if I say this once the semester starts, provided I am re-accepted to the grad program.
  21. I’m a blog-whore. This is different, for sure. I used to be on so many blogs, but I mostly keep to this one — and if you look at the archives, you can definitely see how inconsistent I’ve been as of late.
  22. I hate math. Mmmm… I guess this is still true.
  23. I text everyone and their mama like crazy. I do still prefer to text than to talk on the phone. I talk a lot. It’s probably better that I text instead.
  24. I’m a sugar junkie, chronically addicted to any and all things with sugar. Or chocolate-infused. I think my sweet tooth exists, but it’s somewhat diminished. Instead, I’ve replaced it with a major caffeine addiction. Coffee, anyone?
  25. Coffee is my drug of choice. Oh. Well, apparently it still is! Haha, since this one is kind of a bust, I’ll change it up. In 2008, my favorite song ever was Hallelujah (as performed by Jeff Buckley) or Time to Say Goodbye (Andrea Boccelli & Sarah Brightman). Both still top my favorite song of all time list, but these days, I relate a lot to Adele’s Make You Feel My Love… I’m even considering getting some of those lyrics tattooed on me at some point.

Well, there you have it! Twenty-five facts on me… and strangely, I haven’t changed a whole lot! I hope I wrote more interesting stuff for the remaining 75 facts. We’ll have to wait and see, but here’s hoping I show some growth!

Do you feel you’ve changed a lot or not that much over the last few years?

Graduate School… Times Two

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Growing up has a really strange affect on one’s mind. At least, on this particular mind. I’ve had to compare some notes these past few weeks since I’ve decided to revive my pursuit of higher education! *fanfare, please!*

Now, some of you from my hockey blogging days might recall that we’ve gone down this road before. It led the way to madness (otherwise known as “marathon blogging” where I apparently would recap games “gun-slinger style, one after another, baby.”) Yes, I actually wrote that. I did enter a graduate program in fall 2006, and promptly dropped out in the fall 2007. Here we stand, on the verge of fall 2011, and once again, I am in a position of waiting to see if my old program (which has been considerably revamped) will take me back, tail tucked between my legs and whimpering like the chastised pup that I am.

I’m already off to a poor start with a late application, but we’ll see what happens when the decision from admissions comes back. I’ve recently been reconsidering graduate school for a number of reasons. Strangely enough, none of them are particularly good reasons. They’re just what they are. In no particular order, I present you with: Reasons Why Finny Is Trying To Go Back To Grad School:

  1. (Almost) Everyone else I know has a graduate degree. This is likely the most pathetic of my reasons. I feel left behind and like the odd woman out. I already stick out among my friends for other things, I don’t need more reasons. I am determined not to be the only one without a higher degree, if only because I don’t want to be “the single friend” and “the underachieving friend”. (I told you it was pathetic.)
  2. I would like greater opportunities. My current job was supposed to just be a job. Somehow, it got turned into a career. It can hardly be called a job when you’ve moved up the ranks (four times now: student worker to assistant to technician to counselor) and have been doing it for six years. This isn’t what I saw myself doing for the rest of my life, and while my parents are quite proud of it, it’s not what I thought I’d be doing forever. Getting a graduate degree will give me the opportunity to move away from what I’m currently doing into something else. And at the very least, should I choose to stay in this career, it will open the doors to moving up. I never want to get to a point in my working life where I want to move up or into something new and a higher degree is required and I don’t have it.
  3. It will help my writing, researching, and editing skills. Given my scores in the recent Orange Rose contest, one thing became clear: I need some help editing. :) My writing is solid, researching is probably not super fun, but I can get it done, but self-editing? There’s an area where getting this particular degree with a certain emphasis is only going to help strengthen my editing skills. This will be a huge plus for me as a writer and for me in any job that requires writing. So, win-win!
  4. I have nothing better to do. Notice, this doesn’t even rank as low as my first reason! This is the truth, though: what other time will I be able to fully dedicate myself to a graduate program? I’m busy enough as it is, and life will only get busier if I were to add to my responsibilities in any way. All my previous excuses for not pursuing a graduate degree have been dismissed now! Back then, I lived pretty far. Now, I live very close. Back then, I was adjusting to a new job. Now, I’m adjusting to a new position, but I’m 6 months in and I’m not learning a whole new system so theoretically, things are better. Back then, having re-read my statement of purpose, I was a bright, shining beacon of idealism. Now, I’ve taken my fair share of bumps and bruises, I’ve made mistakes, I’ve learned, and I’ve grown. My maturity level, ability to reason and comprehend more complex situations and thought have definitely become more refined. I am better prepared for the graduate program now than I ever was back then.

So there you have it. As soon as I can confirm my acceptance, I’m going back to school, peeps. But don’t worry. The fiction train is going to keep on going. I’m not giving up my dream, but I might have to delay it some. I feel like I need to make some practical decisions in case the dream itself doesn’t pan out the way I’d hope.

Did you have a similar journey or go through a similar internal debate? Do you feel my pragmatic approach is wise, or do you feel that I need to go full-steam ahead with pursuing the dream instead of using up precious time pursuing a higher degree? Sound off in the comments section!